I'm sick.

*coughhackfaint*

Nancy gave me whatever it is she had, though she's better. Over the weekend my dad bought Zicam, Tylenol, and Ricola and I love the fact that I can OD on those whenever I feel necessary. Probably shouldn't be drinking Root Beer, but what are you gonna do about it?

Mostly I just didn't want my previous post to be sitting around here rotting any longer, so I'm gonna stuff my LJ with something "new." Not that it's going to be exciting; it won't be.

Kitten J.D. likes to bite hands, feet and anything else that he can dig those tiny vampire fangs in. I have multiple scratches. It's like I'm tattooed in them. Because I'm already an old cat lady (that sounds smoother, but I think the correct terminology here should be "old cat man," or something) I came up with some Kitten Commandments.

1) Thou shalt smell a kitten stomach at least once a day.
2) Thou shalt fuss over a kitten as if he/she were a human baby.
3) Thou shalt watch kitten as he/she eats (and preferably take notes).
4) Thou shalt let kitten do whatever he/she wants, so long as it is not harmful.
5) Thou shalt tell kitten about his/her cuteness.

Only halfway through, and I forgot some of the ones I had thought of, but it's coming along.

Nancy's going back to Canada on Friday for three weeks and I just may spend late nights on here blogging about nothing, or become catatonic. Or I'll be perfectly fine; we'll see.

Working on my SAT-like bullshit. Almost done with it. One more year. Then I'll have to decide whether I want to spend another significant portion of my life imprisoned in college or walk the other fucking way and never look back. Time will tell.

OMG, J.D. appears to be resting his head on my weight under the desk. ^_^ I have to stare at him endlessly, fuck all else.

I got to eat a McFlurry today. I like eating somesuch junk when I'm recovering from an illness. One night I was eating ice-cream in my room with Nancy....

Me: "I LOVE cold food."
Nancy: "I thought you were going to say, 'I LOVE Coldplay.'"

There was another incident....

Me: "CALL. MOM."
Nancy: "I thought you were just going to say, 'COL-IN.'"

I like Colin, but not enough to randomly say his name.

But I like Fancast enough to do that. I watched Night of the Living Dead, and now I'm watching A Bucket of Blood--which stopped buffering a little more than halfway through and is still stalled and I'm not happy about it. It's really good, though.

Here comes a really random rant.

There's a 13-year-old girl who lives at the same motel as my mother and apparently walks around scantilly clad and bends over--ahem--and flirts with anything that has a pulse, etc. There is also a 40-year-old alcoholic man who "isn't right in the head" that evidently had sexual intercourse with her.

...

WTF.

EW.

I seriously went the fuck off the fuckingfuckingfucking deep end. I POPPED OFF. Not because I was pissed at the man (yeah, it definitely was wrong, disgusting, ILLEGAL, I get it) but my complete-total-entire-astronomic-epic annoyance at the girl overshadowed that briefly. Seriously. I don't like females. What the FUCK did she think she was doing? What's the point? Is she seeking attention? Is she not "right in the head" as well? I don't know, I'm just being a cold frigid bitch, much like the "queen" of Narnia. (That's exactly what I called her; she pissed me off, too.)

I've been having headaches and can't stand anything (get annoyed easily now, can you tell?) and don't have as much of an appetite as usual because I feel blah.

I'm glad the McFlurry stayed down. Hopefully burritos later will.

EDIT: I don't like Spell check. It makes me feel stupid.

...If I missed something in The Dark Knight.
...If this is all an elaborate dream.
...If RPattz is going to disappear from the public eye and leave us without the dazzle.
...If Kristen Stewart is ever going to just let that boiling intense energy in her free.
...If my cat is an angel (who just happens to be a little mischievous).
...If my grandmother's house has rats or ghosts under its floorboards.
...If Winchester is just a model and not as amazing as it seems.
...If all the mountains I saw are going to be used for mountaintop removal mining.
...If there'll ever be a pill you can take to change sexes as you please.
...If anybody else noticed that "sexes" can be spelled backwards.
...If my mom becoming sober will happen at the most unexpected time.
...If Branden is emo on the inside.

...If Colin really is a virgin or just gay.

...If I should come to grips with the fact that my famous cousin is indeed gay.
...If it'd be better to live fast and die young.
...If I'm dying and I just don't know it yet.
...If it was worth saving Private Ryan.
...If Ryan Conklin is doing okay.
...If I'll ever get over the fact that Rorschach isn't real.
...If I should stop wondering.

A good way to start off is to ask how in the hell did it get so hot in my room? It's going to make my backne worse. I opened my door and the hallway was like Antarctica, but no, my room has to be like Florida. -.- I'm fussy.

I did have my nap, but usually instead of waking up refreshed and content, I wake up pissed off that I can't just keep sleeping. Sometimes, however, I do NOT want to nap but I end up falling asleep anyway and I wake up pissed off because I napped and therefore lost time to do other crap. It's a weird cycle.

Tylenol is nice, I will say that. It healed me up pretty quickly with the sore throat and gonna-explode head--but I guess I stopped the doses too soon, because my runny nose is back with full force. >_<

I have been thinking about what I want for my birthday, since I'm still young enough to get away with composing a Birthday List for my dad. =D And I think I want my hair cut. I have narrowed my choices down to Mountaha (pictured first) and London (second). Both are models, ironically; the first is from Make Me a Supermodel (Colin kicks your ass, Emery, if you're reading this--oh wait, no, he kicked Branden's ass. That's right) and the other is from America's Next Top Model. There's a lot of models in my life right now, I guess. Anyway...










What are your thoughts, opinions, advice? I'm aware that I'm going to have to take the time with hair products, hot irons, steamrollers and whatever else to keep my naturally puffy hair straight to achieve the desired look, but I think I'll do it anyway.

Holly Kiser...


... was the winner of the first season of MMASM. I was glad; she beat out 3 boys.

Enough about models. Time for me to get out of this sauna and continue to be the cranky old man that I currently am. All I'm missing is a porch, a rocking chair and a gun. And kids to scream (and possibly shoot) at.

xoxo

Let's get down to the basics:

1) Nothing matters now except Watchmen.
2) Hamsters are amazing.
3) I'm not prepared to die laughing.

The first is self-explanatory and anything but a lie. Fuck you, no I have not read the graphic novel, I probably won't, and I'm allowed to like the fucking movie anyway and want its paraphernalia. Clear?

Hamsters. There were animated ones in a commercial at the theater. I aww'd, naturally, while others laughed and I made a promise to myself that if they were laughing AT my furry friends, they'd be disemboweled. (Also, at Best Friends Animal Society, there are two rabbit brothers named Kelso and Hyde. Sound familiar?)

Last night I looked at my two wonderful cats on my floor, announced that I'd have to kiss their lovely faces, and then proceeded to trip on the corner of my bed with an OAH! I laughed until I cried. It was probably one of those instances where you had to actually be there to get it, but I continue to laugh about it when I remember it. (Like now. Haha.)

I have to write about random shit because there's nothing else going on and I just want to WRITE. Speaking of writing, there's a Fiction Open at Glimmer Train that I plan on entering. First place gets something like $2,000 and publication. Hopefully I didn't jinx it; that's precisely why I don't tell people this kind of stuff. Anyway, it's something so that I don't feel completely useless.

I'm actually thinking about skipping church tomorrow, just because I'm in a mood to lie around. It's been that way for a while. Just today after Lady's vet appointment, I came home and napped on my bed with Pierre. The sun shone directly on my legs (covered in tight black pants) and burned them very badly. Unfortunately, I was much too exhausted to move myself even a few inches. (Didn't want to disturb Pierre, anyway.) So I woke up soaked in sweat.

Aside from sleeping, all I want to do is eat. I'm only a little ashamed of that.

My butt's numb and I have to drink more Root Beer.

Yesterday was nice. I rented Franco (Good Time Max; I'm proud of him for directing a movie) and Nick and Norah, then hopped over to Rugged Wearhouse (bought Paddington Bear PJ pants and a pair of 1928 earrings--1928's the brand, it's not from 1928, haha). After chillin' at the homefront, Dad dropped me and Nancy off at the Byrd Theatre to see ~TWILIGHT.~ It was PACKED, but there was an organist that played for a while beforehand, and the audience was really "interactive," which you don't seem to get a lot. They laughed, clapped, commented. One mom in the row in front of us, after Edward tells Bella they shouldn't be friends, said "Then why do you keep following me?" XD That's exactly what my own mother said.

So, I'm back on my Twi high, and supposedly RPattz is presenting at tonight's Oscars. I plan on going to protest Ringling this evening, so the times might be conflicting, but that's fine. God will work it out so I can speak up for some animals and continue to be dazzled. Speaking of God, I went to church today. =] It was nice.

Actually, that brings me to what we did AFTER church...

We headed over to my mom's to pick her up and bring her back home for a visit. Nancy had talked to her as we were leaving the church and all was well. But just a few minutes before we arrived at her place, she called and said she had drank. I'm like WTF?, we had plans. So we go anyway (no point in turning around) and see her--and the white kitty we'd never met before, Sam aka Whitey. <3 There's evidence on his neck of where two collars were too tight on him =[ and one eye is green and the other blue, so he's deaf in one ear, and I think it's the ear that is also bent.

Anyway,

We're talking to Mom and Bill and they say they have good news to tell us. This was their "good" news:

THEY'RE FUCKING ENGAGED.

Engaged.

Like, going to get married.

Like.

No.

Nancy, of course, was polite and composed and said she was happy Mom had met someone that makes her happy, etc., while I stared and thought and didn't say anything. Then--yes, there's more--Mom said she wants another child.

Let's talk about this. She has no job. Her settlement money is not even half of what it used to be. She is a bad, bad, bad alcoholic. She lives in a bad, bad, bad environment. She has yet to take care of herself, how the hell does she expect to be able to take care of a child? Even if it's not until a few years down the road, it still doesn't hit me as a good idea. Neither does getting married. Bill seems like a good person, but he also seems like he'd do anything to make Mom happy, including supplying her with alcohol. He also tends to have stalker-freakish qualities. Or used to. Whatever.

Bottom line: It's not well thought out, at all. Oh, and another surprise of theirs was that THEY WERE GOING TO HAVE SOMEONE MARRY THEM TODAY AT 3PM. Without telling us. Without having us present. Not to mention that MOM IS INTOXICATED AND HARDLY IN THE RIGHT STATE OF MIND TO GET FUCKING MARRIED.

I'm vexed.

It's stupid and immature and I'm so worn out with this idiocy. I love Mom, and God bless Bill, but holy crap, can you not control yourself?! I also expressed concern that Mom is ALREADY pregnant, so Bill brought out the condoms to show me (I was going to give the brand name, WTF is wrong with me) but I have doubts they use them.

Sorry to be so direct.

So, I had a good and bad weekend. But, RPattz brings me indescribable joy, so maybe I just need some more of him and I'll be good.

Let's see...

I Facebooked, MySpaced, deleted emails, LiveJournaled which was basically just reading Laurie Halse Anderson's blog. Um, I didn't know about it. Yeah, not until it was on the home page of LJ and I nearly lost my breath. I've only read Speak and Fever 1793, but they were both really good, and I lack favorite authors--besides Edward Gorey. (I wish I could better understand Sylvia Plath's poetry, though.) I've become very excited in a very short period of time for the release of LHA's new book, Wintergirls. It sounds disturbing and like it's going to make me cry, but I like those types of books. Depressing novels are better than humorous bits wrapped in paperback, don't you think? (This reminds me, I have to finish All Quiet on the Orient Express, haha.)

I also have checked www.mychemcicalromance.com at least three times today to see if Gerard blogged at all. Since he does it so fucking often (what, sometimes 3 times a day?) I figured I might be lucky enough to catch one as soon as he updated. But, no. =[

Haven't talked with my mom in a couple days, I guess. She's been drinking to "deal with life." When Nancy told me that today, I said, "How are we supposed to deal with life? Become crackheads? That sounds like a good idea." Life sucks sometimes, but you're a mother, you need to take care of yourself, and people are very, very worried about you and your health is in danger. Please straighten up.

Things are gurgling and bubbling in my body and I got full so quickly that I couldn't finish my second serving of burritos. *music note* Beans, beans, BEANS. *music note*

Josh Hutcherson was just on TV in Kicking and Screaming, and Fun with Dick and Jane just started, so it's a triple-dose of missing Emery. (I had already been missing her. Like when I saw the empty jar of olives on the kitchen counter...)

Lady came back today! ^_^ It is reported that she has hookworms (ew; poor darling) and that she walked by Chloe, Chloe hissed, and Lady went straight into Dad's room without a fuss. I'm proud. Nancy and Dad think it's okay to let Pierre out of Nancy's room and see how the two get along, but I'm worried. I think the reason Lady doesn't bother with eating Chloe is Chloe doesn't rub on her. She knows to keep her distance. Pierre, on the other hand, is eternally friendly and will attempt to form a friendship. And Lady probably won't like it. We need to find a way around this.

I'm really enjoying writing, but I feel like this is going on too much. Oh, and I'm ready for my Superbabies now.

xoxo

I felt like writing. I haven't been too kind to my "real" journal; I don't know why. It's been temporarily abandoned.

Last night Nancy and I, aside from being dazzled endlessly, made many word salads. She was teasing me with the Cinnamon Toast Crunch remnants on her fingertips and I ended up saying firmly what's in my subject line right now. She doubled over laughing and I told her how I "had trouble in my pants yesterday." XD

Then we were talking about pillows (food and sleep, man <3) and she ended up saying--this doesn't sound nearly as hilarious typed up because you can't hear the weird accent--"pealers" instead of "pillows." It brought about epic lolz and we continued to talk in that manner for several minutes. I ended up creating a random character with that same weird accent and said: "I have an Aunt in Tennessee. She lives in Austin, Texas." Sometimes I don't realize my faults.

Also, I can't believe I've forgotten to share this, but Nancy has learned to play some of "Welcome to the Black Parade" by MCR on the keyboard. I was taking off my jeans to get in PJs and I heard it from her room, walked in her doorway pantsless, but still holding them in my hand, and trying to pull my jaw up from the floor. It's not miraculous, but considering she's hardly heard that song, it's pretty damn cool.

More books!:

-"grl2grl" by Julie Anne Peters (I hadn't realized it was pretty much all lesbians).
-"Aimee" by Mary Beth Miller (I haven't been so disturbed since reading Just in Case, haha).
-"Godless" by Pete Hautman (I read his "Sweetblood" a few years ago).
-"Fever 1793" by Laurie Halse Anderson (almost done with it; it made me cry a few times).

That's what's going on in my life, except there's been four different cats in the backyard in the past several days to eat the cat food we put out. There's Boomkat, of course, then there was a Basil, then Creamsicle, and today I saw a gray kitty who I think Nancy named Cole. Or maybe she thought of spelling it like Coal.

I've been having lots of (weird?) dreams lately and I woke up with part of my neck/throat hurting and OMG THERE'S A SQUIRREL OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW.

Fee: "By the way, you have squirrels in your backyard."
Me and Nancy: *Laugh* "You don't in Holland?"

xoxo

I don't have much to write about, honestly. I think I just wanted an excuse to use my Nikki Reed as Rosalie Cullen icon. <3 Twilight is playing more than one time a day only at one theater here?!

Books I've read recently:

-Alive and Well in Prague, New York by Daphne Grab [Pretty good, lovely cover art, got sensitive when they poked fun at the activist character.]
-Just in Case by Mes Rosoff [How do you say "fucking disturbing" in five other languages? Very good, though, if you're not too mentally unstable already, haha.]
-Like A Thorn by Clara Vidal [Didn't think it'd be as intense as it was, but I liked it.]
-Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson [I've decided it's one of my favorite books; I do remember the movie version.]
-Violet & Claire by Francesca Lia Block [How many of her books have I read?!]

In other news, I ate about 10 or 11 times yesterday. Think that's enough for one person? I'm definitely not doing that again today, since I've suddenly developed a fear of gaining weight. I don't think there's a lot of food left in the house now, anyway. =P

Since I've run out of library books, I think I'm actually going to stop being antsy and focus on The Raw Shark Texts. I'm more than halfway through, maybe, but I put it down for too long and neglected it. =( (Sorry, Emery, haha.)

More:
I got my River Phoenix shirt in the mail the other day.
My James Dean one is on its way (I was on a Jimmy Dean high).
I bought Emery a present to give to her when she visits.
I can't wait to go shopping with her for banana-shaped earrings. =D I've been thinking about them lately.

Love! xoxoxo

So, I haven't updated in a while (two months, has it been?) and Emery and I were talking about updating several days ago, so why not?

Nancy and Fee are currently downstairs watching Stand By Me, pretty much--no, absolutely --my favorite movie ever. River. And dudeness that is just too vulgar and hilarious to not love. Yeah, anyway, I don't know how I feel about it, but I can't exactly go down there and demand it back, haha. (Though I am interested to see what their reactions would be if I did...)

Isn't it fabulous that, despite my stomach randomly hurting earlier and feeling just slightly like I was going to vomit, I went ahead and ate veggie bacon and half of Nancy's milk chocolate bar? =P =D I can't help myself. Food. <3 I've been tired and bored and apparently that leads to me eating more often.

Hmm... I have the feeling I won't really like Twilight when/if I see it. I don't know why; the RPattz-ness of it would be amusing 'cause he's such a druggie, but the romantic aspect of it all leaves me annoyed. >_<

Oh my gosh, I just remembered that I had a dream I was left to fend for myself in the grocery store and I was trying to buy the right salad and I COULDN'T FIND THE BREAD.

I thought I had more to update with then I actually do, so it's time for me to sign off. Happy Holidays! =P xoxo Love.

Guess who got called a slut AND a whore?

Me. And Nancy.

Guess WHO called us sluts and whores?

Mom's boyfriend.

Yeah. Not to our face, but to Mom. Okay, at first I was like "What the fuck?" and then I had to laugh because that is so absolutely far from the truth, it's ridiculous, especially for me (not that Nancy's a slut, but I dress like a slob, to put it simply; Nancy ventures further than just jeans and smelly T-shirts--not that certain clothing defines you as a slut. Ah, you get the idea). We can't let Dad know this, though, 'cause he'd take it way more seriously than us and would probably make it so that Mom's boyfriend would only have one limb to work with, for the rest of his life.

Anyway, just a bit ago I was in Nancy's bed with her talking about how Mom (prepare to gag) told me that he might've liked "seeing us" and now that he doesn't as much he's, like, bitter about it. You know how guys are. So after we were disgusted about that, I was talking about Dad being infuriated if he knew, and how he'd have "his men".... do things:

Nancy, suddenly serious and looking funny in the dark: "You know about his men?"
Me: *Laughs so hard rolls off bed*

Haha, no, we're not apart of the mafia or anything; maybe it'd seem less serious if you saw the situation first-hand. =P

I don't have the patience to write much more about THAT situation. <3

I miss Emery. Terribly. A fucking lot.
Last I heard, she doesn't have minutes on her cell phone.
She probably can't send a note because things are still hectic after the hurricane where she is.
I can't write to HER for the same reason.
I texted her several hours ago, but it's probably futile.
I hope she's okay and that I'll hear from her soon.

Guess that's it. I think my brain's "lazy" because of my unnatural sleeping pattern, so I'm gonna go, anyway. See ya. xoxo

It's easier to type than to hold a pen right now.

For starters, Nancy called to say she wants to spend another week in Holland, so it'll be four weeks there. I'd only gone to bed at like 4:30 AM and she called around 6:30 AM, so I'd only had two hours of sleep; my lack of the latter made me a little unpleasant, both to her and Dad, though I think Dad didn't really notice. But once I'm woken up it takes me a while to get back to sleep, and when I woke up again at 1 PM to "start my [fucking] day," I was in a bad mood. Thankfully Dad was out, though.

And just a little bit ago I had to deal with talking to my mother on the phone while she was drunk, and really, you can't have any idea how fucking heartbreaking it is to have an alcoholic mother unless you've actually experienced it.

Her boyfriend is an asshole, and she was telling me how Dad was talking about... well, "taking care of him," I guess... Not my dad himself... Hopefully you get the idea. I wasn't surprised; he'd said something like that to Nancy ages ago, but it really made me realize how fucked up my family is.

Nancy's gone.
Dad and I are NOWHERE near close.
Mom's not being a mom right now.

I have Emery. That's it. And she really is the perfect person to have to understand you and everything when there's no one else, but realizing all that shit was... well, shit.

Sincerely, truly, completely, in all honesty: I want to be knocked unconscious for like... well, let's just say until further notice.

Guess I'm gonna have another late night. >_<

Oh, and because he was amazing and I watched him in Dogfight tonight, I have to say: Happy Birthday, River Phoenix! xoxoxo <3

There you have it.

Directed to Emery:

I started this post and then asked myself why not just send you this in an email? But I guess because I was already on LJ it seemed like more of a hassle, haha. (Plus, I think deep down, I just want proof on the actual Internet that I did, indeed, go to the lab and create this amazingly sarcastic and cute creature. =P)

Frank + Pank = PANK




In other news, to the other reader(s), I have a headache, am emotionally tired, and want strawberries now.

(Now I want to post a pic of a strawberry, WTF is wrong with me?!)